SQL Feather and Quill

In class tonight, we covered a technique for showing people recognition.  I had posted about it before, but we went further into it tonight.

There are a few layers of recognition and they work on different levels.  The acronym to remember is T.A.P.E. 

The T stands for Things – you can compliment somebody’s things.  It’s not too personal, but it may make a person feel good.  Think of the T as the outer ring of a target, it usually is least personal.

The A stands for Achievements and it is a ring on a target inside “Things”.  If you compliment someone’s achievements, they will probably feel better about themselves than if you compliment some thing they possess.

The P stands for a personal trait.  Picture this as the bull’s eye of the target.  Complimenting someone’s personal traits will have the biggest effect on a person.

Finally, the E stands for Evidence.  Once you tell someone you appreciate a thing, an achievement or a personal trait of theirs, back it up with evidence – for instance an example of their behavior.  By showing evidence, it really makes the recognition sincere.  For example if I tell you I think you are a hard worker, that’s good.   But if I say I appreciate you hard working attitude like you displayed last week when there was an emergency with the server and you worked all night to fix it, that’s even better – more sincere and proof that I’m not just blowing smoke.

This entire process should take about 30 seconds to perform.  Although it is quick, it will have a big effect on the person you are showing appreciation for.

The other thing that was very cool to see was the students had to give a report to inspire others.  Wow, there was some very good stories told.  It’s been very fun and inspiring to get to know the people in class.

This week’s class was focused on overcoming stress.  The thing that got me thinking was:

“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.”  – Dale Carnegie

The other thing we talked a lot about was being flexible.  We did a few group exercises and one was all using the statement: If we were more flexible with <<BLANK>> it would change <<BLANK2>>.

The Joe Mauer bunt was when one of the first people to share said, “If I was more flexible at being less flexible, I would have a more structured schedule.”  It works for him – apparently he’s a very flexible person.  The point of the exercise was to think about how being more flexible could help your work.

Finally, everyone had to get out of their comfort zones and perform in front of the class.  They had to do some really bizarre and odd things in front of everybody.  It was very entertaining and everyone survived.  That was the point – you’ll survive doing uncomfortable things.

The highlight of class this past week was learning a tool to disagree with someone – but do it agreeably.

So as someone is stating their opinion, in your mind, you have to figure out the following:

1. What do I believe about this situation?
2. Why do I believe this?
3. What evidence do I have to support this belief?

Then, respond – begin with a cushion.  A cushion should:

1. Let the person know you heard their point of view
2. Don’t agree or disagree
3. Opens lines of communication
4. Avoid using the words: “but”, “however” and “nevertheless”

After the cushion, present your evidence.  Your evidence can consist of:  (note the acronym is DEFEATS)

• Demonstrations
• Examples
• Facts
• Exhibits
• Analogies
• Testimonials
• Statistics

After your evidence is presented, say something along the lines of “This shows me that <<STATE WHAT IT SHOWS YOU>> and there fore I believe <<STATE YOUR OPINION>>”

I like this because you spend 90% of the time telling your story (presenting your evidence) and then based on what you just said, you have shown proof of why you believe something.  When working the situations in class, it seemed to work pretty well.  Granted we were disagreeing with people who knew what was going on, so it wasn’t too real.  I’ve been practicing a bit this weekend, but I’m not very good at disagreeing in general.  This is one of those things that I’ve got to keep on working for a long time.

Well I missed class #3 due to SQLPass.  I came in cold to class number four and I had to give two demonstrations of techniques used for public speaking.  The first one was called the “LIONS” technique.  It’s an acronym that stands for a checklist of things to go over before you speak to make sure you communicate your ideas clearly.  As a guy who doesn’t get out from behind the keyboard too often, I’ve learned that this technique works very well to help me explain a thought or an idea.  Here’s what it stands for:

Class #2 was pretty interesting.  By the end of the class I was able to remember everyone’s name (27 attendees, 1 instructor and 2 other coaches).  I also got to listen to everyone speak on a defining moment in their life.  It was very interesting and inspiring.

One of the exercises we did was a technique to help memory called pegging.  Here’s a full break down of a slightly different system (same ideas) from buildyourmemory.com.  The idea is that if you’ve got a list of things to remember to link the ideas to a picture.  There are permanent peg words and permanent peg images, these images are slightly modified to fit of what you are trying to remember.

Item Number	Permanent Peg Word	Permanent Peg Image	How to Change the image:
One	Run		Instead of Jockeys in the saddles of these horses, envision the object you are trying to remember
Two	Zoo		Change the flower in the monkey’s hand to the second item you are trying to remember, then envision that monkey throwing that item at you.
Three	Tree		Picture the third item you are trying to remember as the cause of this tree being bent over.
Four	Door		Picture this door stuck and what’s blocking this door from moving is the item you are trying to remember.
Five	Hive		Instead of bees in this hive, picture the fifth item you are trying to remember as the bees, they may even be coming after you.
Six	Sick		Change the medicine that is in this syringe to the sixth item you are trying to remember.
Seven	Heaven		These are stairs to heaven.  Picture the seventh item rolling, falling, etc. down these stairs.
Eight	Gate		What’s making this railroad gate come down?  The eighth item you are trying to remember is weighing it down.
Nine	Wine		Instead of wine in this bottle, it’s the ninth item you are trying to remember.  Imagine how surprised you are when you think you are pouring wine and out pops the item.

Proof it works:  The class listed nine items on the board, another one of the coaches memorized the list in about a minute.  He turned his back to the board.  People shouted out random numbers and he got 7 out of 9 items – pretty impressive for a minute of memorizing the list.

I’m going to miss class #3 as I’ll be at SQLPass – that should get me back on blogging about SQL topics.

I began my coaching of the Dale Carnegie Effective Communications and Human Relations class this week.  In the first class, we did a few cool things.  The first I’ll talk about is a tool that is basically “topics for small talk”.

In your mind, picture a great big mahogany name plate.  On that name plate is a Victorian house with large pillars.  In the front yard, there are adults, kids, dogs, cats and a bird.  Coming out of the chimney is large orange work glove that is grabbing on to a 757 plane.  The 757 has two things that are different than normal – it has a hockey stick and violin for propellers and it also has a blinking red light on the tail.

That’s it – it’s a checklist of things to talk about when meeting somebody new.  Ask some questions about these topics, and you’ll learn a lot:

• Their name (name plate).
• Where they live (the large victorian house) – this can lead to where they are from, etc.
• Their family – and friends – and pets (the people and animals in the yard).
• Their work (the orange work glove).
• Their travels (the plane).
• Their hobbies/athletic interests (the hockey stick/violin propellars).
• Anything obvious that sticks out or things to remember (the red flashing lights).

It sounds a little basic, but it really helps.  As my wife and I were in the car for a couple of hours a couple of years ago, I started to ask questions about these topics and I could believe how much I learned about her.  Simply by asking open ended questions on these topics, I learned a lot about her that day – which I thought I knew before we got married!  It made the hours in the car go by quickly!

The other crazy thing we did was  learned everyone’s name in class.  Sounds simple, but this is a three hour class and there are 28 students and the instructor in the class.  So there are 58 names (First and Last names) that we learned in about 30 minutes.  We all came up with a mental image for our name based on some guidelines.  Then we went around the room and shared (and reviewed frequently).  By the end of the 30 minutes, I got 50 of 58 names correct – that’s 86%.  I missed both the first and last name on two people and then missed four others first or last names on others.  It’s pretty amazing – I’m horrible at names! 

Here’s mine:

It’s Andy Lohn – “and he mows the lawn.”   So when you meet me, just picture this and it’ll help you remember my name.

I’m looking forward to this week – it should be fun.