Class tonight was about the students putting everything they’ve learned together for one final report. We had a range of guests for graduation (a Grandpa, a couple of mothers, a few bosses, etc). It was neat to see the growth and the appreciation the students gained for each other. People TOUTed it out when receiving awards.
“TOUTing it out” is the acronym/saying used to rememberhow to accept an award:
T – Say Thank You
O – Explain what/who you owe the award to
U – Explain how you will use the award/experience/lesson in the future
T – Thank them again for the award
There were a lots of interesting reports and I’ve been thinking about them a lot since – I strongly recommend taking the class if you ever get the opportunity.
In class tonight, we covered a technique for showing people recognition. I had posted about it before, but we went further into it tonight.
There are a few layers of recognition and they work on different levels. The acronym to remember is T.A.P.E.
The T stands for Things – you can compliment somebody’s things. It’s not too personal, but it may make a person feel good. Think of the T as the outer ring of a target, it usually is least personal.
The A stands for Achievements and it is a ring on a target inside “Things”. If you compliment someone’s achievements, they will probably feel better about themselves than if you compliment some thing they possess.
The P stands for a personal trait. Picture this as the bull’s eye of the target. Complimenting someone’s personal traits will have the biggest effect on a person.
Finally, the E stands for Evidence. Once you tell someone you appreciate a thing, an achievement or a personal trait of theirs, back it up with evidence – for instance an example of their behavior. By showing evidence, it really makes the recognition sincere. For example if I tell you I think you are a hard worker, that’s good. But if I say I appreciate you hard working attitude like you displayed last week when there was an emergency with the server and you worked all night to fix it, that’s even better – more sincere and proof that I’m not just blowing smoke.
This entire process should take about 30 seconds to perform. Although it is quick, it will have a big effect on the person you are showing appreciation for.
The other thing that was very cool to see was the students had to give a report to inspire others. Wow, there was some very good stories told. It’s been very fun and inspiring to get to know the people in class.
This week’s class was focused on overcoming stress. The thing that got me thinking was:
“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.” – Dale Carnegie
The other thing we talked a lot about was being flexible. We did a few group exercises and one was all using the statement: If we were more flexible with <<BLANK>> it would change <<BLANK2>>.
The Joe Mauer bunt was when one of the first people to share said, “If I was more flexible at being less flexible, I would have a more structured schedule.” It works for him – apparently he’s a very flexible person. The point of the exercise was to think about how being more flexible could help your work.
Finally, everyone had to get out of their comfort zones and perform in front of the class. They had to do some really bizarre and odd things in front of everybody. It was very entertaining and everyone survived. That was the point – you’ll survive doing uncomfortable things.
The highlight of class this past week was learning a tool to disagree with someone – but do it agreeably.
So as someone is stating their opinion, in your mind, you have to figure out the following:
What do I believe about this situation?
Why do I believe this?
What evidence do I have to support this belief?
Then, respond – begin with a cushion. A cushion should:
Let the person know you heard their point of view
Don’t agree or disagree
Opens lines of communication
Avoid using the words: “but”, “however” and “nevertheless”
After the cushion, present your evidence. Your evidence can consist of: (note the acronym is DEFEATS)
Demonstrations
Examples
Facts
Exhibits
Analogies
Testimonials
Statistics
After your evidence is presented, say something along the lines of “This shows me that <<STATE WHAT IT SHOWS YOU>> and there fore I believe <<STATE YOUR OPINION>>”
I like this because you spend 90% of the time telling your story (presenting your evidence) and then based on what you just said, you have shown proof of why you believe something. When working the situations in class, it seemed to work pretty well. Granted we were disagreeing with people who knew what was going on, so it wasn’t too real. I’ve been practicing a bit this weekend, but I’m not very good at disagreeing in general. This is one of those things that I’ve got to keep on working for a long time.
Well I missed class #3 due to SQLPass. I came in cold to class number four and I had to give two demonstrations of techniques used for public speaking. The first one was called the “LIONS” technique. It’s an acronym that stands for a checklist of things to go over before you speak to make sure you communicate your ideas clearly. As a guy who doesn’t get out from behind the keyboard too often, I’ve learned that this technique works very well to help me explain a thought or an idea. Here’s what it stands for:
L
Language – are you using the correct language for your audience?
I
Illustrations – are there any illustrations you can use to show your audience?
O
Organize – are your points laid out in a logic order?
N
Narrow your subject – when speaking with a time limit, often you must cut down your subject to key points
S
Summarize – at the end, summarize your talk into two to three main points.
Class #2 was pretty interesting. By the end of the class I was able to remember everyone’s name (27 attendees, 1 instructor and 2 other coaches). I also got to listen to everyone speak on a defining moment in their life. It was very interesting and inspiring.
One of the exercises we did was a technique to help memory called pegging. Here’s a full break down of a slightly different system (same ideas) from buildyourmemory.com. The idea is that if you’ve got a list of things to remember to link the ideas to a picture. There are permanent peg words and permanent peg images, these images are slightly modified to fit of what you are trying to remember.
Item Number
Permanent Peg Word
Permanent Peg Image
How to Change the image:
One
Run
Instead of Jockeys in the saddles of these horses, envision the object you are trying to remember
Two
Zoo
Change the flower in the monkey’s hand to the second item you are trying to remember, then envision that monkey throwing that item at you.
Three
Tree
Picture the third item you are trying to remember as the cause of this tree being bent over.
Four
Door
Picture this door stuck and what’s blocking this door from moving is the item you are trying to remember.
Five
Hive
Instead of bees in this hive, picture the fifth item you are trying to remember as the bees, they may even be coming after you.
Six
Sick
Change the medicine that is in this syringe to the sixth item you are trying to remember.
Seven
Heaven
These are stairs to heaven. Picture the seventh item rolling, falling, etc. down these stairs.
Eight
Gate
What’s making this railroad gate come down? The eighth item you are trying to remember is weighing it down.
Nine
Wine
Instead of wine in this bottle, it’s the ninth item you are trying to remember. Imagine how surprised you are when you think you are pouring wine and out pops the item.
Proof it works: The class listed nine items on the board, another one of the coaches memorized the list in about a minute. He turned his back to the board. People shouted out random numbers and he got 7 out of 9 items – pretty impressive for a minute of memorizing the list.
I’m going to miss class #3 as I’ll be at SQLPass – that should get me back on blogging about SQL topics.
I began my coaching of the Dale Carnegie Effective Communications and Human Relations class this week. In the first class, we did a few cool things. The first I’ll talk about is a tool that is basically “topics for small talk”.
In your mind, picture a great big mahogany name plate. On that name plate is a Victorian house with large pillars. In the front yard, there are adults, kids, dogs, cats and a bird. Coming out of the chimney is large orange work glove that is grabbing on to a 757 plane. The 757 has two things that are different than normal – it has a hockey stick and violin for propellers and it also has a blinking red light on the tail.
That’s it – it’s a checklist of things to talk about when meeting somebody new. Ask some questions about these topics, and you’ll learn a lot:
Their name (name plate).
Where they live (the large victorian house) – this can lead to where they are from, etc.
Their family – and friends – and pets (the people and animals in the yard).
Their work (the orange work glove).
Their travels (the plane).
Their hobbies/athletic interests (the hockey stick/violin propellars).
Anything obvious that sticks out or things to remember (the red flashing lights).
It sounds a little basic, but it really helps. As my wife and I were in the car for a couple of hours a couple of years ago, I started to ask questions about these topics and I could believe how much I learned about her. Simply by asking open ended questions on these topics, I learned a lot about her that day – which I thought I knew before we got married! It made the hours in the car go by quickly!
The other crazy thing we did was learned everyone’s name in class. Sounds simple, but this is a three hour class and there are 28 students and the instructor in the class. So there are 58 names (First and Last names) that we learned in about 30 minutes. We all came up with a mental image for our name based on some guidelines. Then we went around the room and shared (and reviewed frequently). By the end of the 30 minutes, I got 50 of 58 names correct – that’s 86%. I missed both the first and last name on two people and then missed four others first or last names on others. It’s pretty amazing – I’m horrible at names!
Here’s mine:
It’s Andy Lohn – “and he mows the lawn.” So when you meet me, just picture this and it’ll help you remember my name.
I’m looking forward to this week – it should be fun.
As mentioned in a previous post, I’m going to be coaching a Dale Carnegie Effective Communications class. The other night I attended a training session for current and future coaches. The topic that we covered and went in-depth on was how to give feedback. An effective way that we learned is based on a three part formula. Being a computer and math guy, I thought it’s pretty easy to fit things into a formula, so I made a game of it.
The Formula
The formula for a response/compliment is as follows:
Tell the person the a strength they possess
Show evidence of that strength
Tell them how that strength will help them in the future
The Challenge
In the last two weeks, I’ve attempted to give at least one compliment a day to a co-worker. It’s not worked everyday, but it has helped me and the team I’m working with quite a bit. People seem to be more confident around me and proud of what they’ve done. I’ve made a stronger connection with a few the people as well.
The Example
Today, for example, I was troubleshooting an issue with a less experienced DBA. He was driving the workstation we were working on and jumping around like he knew the next move. I simply stopped and said, “Wow, you’ve really picked up on the environment around here. You’re two moves ahead of where I’d be and jumping to shortcuts I didn’t know existed. This will really help you in the future to be more efficient.” This was a simple example, but he was all smiles the rest of the day and even showed me a couple of quicker ways to do things.
The Payoff
As computer geeks, we sometimes sacrifice our social skills. Try giving out a few compliments and you’ll be amazed at the response and help you’ll get from others. You may even pick up a few new short cuts like I did.
was about the students putting everything they’ve learned together for one final report. We had a range of guests for graduation (a Grandpa, a couple of mothers, a few bosses, etc). It was neat to see the growth and the appreciation the students gained for each other. People TOUTed it out when receiving awards.
was how to give feedback. An effective way that we learned is based on a three part formula. Being a computer and math guy, I thought it’s pretty easy to fit things into a formula, so I made a game of it.